Keep On Keeping On
When I was a teenager, I wanted nothing more than to spend my days doing the things that I love, and dreaded the thought of working for someone else while locked in a cubicle. Since then, I've been pretty fortunate. I worked for a number of years as a theatre director, music director and performer and was paid. Now, it was barely enough to pay the rent and I ate a lot of dollar store food, but I was happy.
Now, again, I'm in a position that for the next couple of months I'm in a similar situation. My full time job is working on Step and my projects, working on the things that bring me the most joy. The weird thing is, after a few weeks at it, I'm finding that I'm not quite as happy this time around. No. That's not the right word- I don't feel as carefree.
The actual truth of it is, when I was in theatre, I was still working for someone- the town that ran the actual theatre building. They gave us the theatre space for the shows and rehearsal for free, and they sold the tickets, put ads in the local papers, moved the lights that needed moving, cleared and paid for any rights we needed covered and took the hit if we didn't make enough money at the box office. That said, I had the illusion of freedom. Then never showed up and told me how to run the show, what shows to do, who to cast, or anything else. I was free to create in whatever way I wanted to.
This time around things are very different. If I don't put in the work to do promotion, it's very difficult for new listeners to find us. I need to put out the social media, put together previews, schedule, book interviews, edit and process. That's in addition to the actual research and creation of the projects. It really is a more than full time job, and I have the toughest bosses- Step and myself.
Does that actually mean I am less happy? No, I think I enjoy the successes that we achieve even more. It's harder, that's for sure. The stresses are greater and I sometimes struggle keeping it all moving forward on time.
Things like a flood or Step having to work crazy hours can put a hitch in things, and I know that means I just need to work harder on planning ahead. And I'm getting there. Some days I feel like I'm kicking the day right in the butt, some days I feel like I have a target on my own rear.
At the end of the day, if we succeed or fail rests on our own shoulders. This is one of the harder things about working for yourself, only you are responsible for your successes and failures.
I guess that is a lot of typing to say... work is haaaaaaaard. But I love it. And I'm sooooo greatful to everyone that joins us on our journey.
-Tams
